I have to rant so don't mind me. I have a crazy father. I have been dealing with forever. I have always tried to make him proud but nothing is ever good enough for him. I call him and he gives me a hard time for not calling more or sooner. But yet he never calls me. So I try to keep him involved in my life by at least telling him the important stuff. For example, I got my license. That whole conversation didn't end well. He hung up on me. Which mad me very mad. How rude, right? I mean come on. How old are you? I feel like he is the child and I am the parent. Always worried if he is ok. If he got in a accident or woke up today...So for Chritmas despite us not talking I sent him a Christmas card. In my heart I knew he would send it back but at the request of my mother I went ahead and sent him one. Well I was right. It came back.
So what is a girl supposed to do. Just forget about her father... Keep putting yourself out there to get hurt? Or just go along with it. Leave him alone and just move one. Just forget about it and Him??? I guess I shouldn't care after all he has done to me but I do. I do care about him and the fact that he just isn't himself. That my dad doesn't like me for the stupidest thing. But I know I didn't do anything to him. I can sleep at night. And often wonder what he is thinking in his head. I wonder how a father can be so mean to his family and sleep at night. What makes a person so bitter at his family. His family that just loved him? I don't think I will ever know. And even if I did I don't think it will justify his behavoir.
4 comments:
Honey, I am so sorry. You can vent to me anytime, that would be so so hard. You are such a trooper for all of your attempts to be a good daughter -- it makes you succeed at being a good daughter, even if you don't feel like it!
I love you.
Just try to remember it is the disease...it is not you, don't blame yourself.
OK, now you've been a good daughter and you know it...your standards tell you this and now you don't have to keep trying. If trying means setting yourself up to get hurt, don't do that any more...You have to figure out Why you keep trying to get hurt? And if you don't like that stop it!!! What's that definition of insanity...something about doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different? PS. I can totally relate as you know, and I know it's not your cross to take away his cross... Love is the only answer and sometime love is a spanking.
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